Thursday, July 22, 2010

A Good Chuckle

I've read these before, and maybe you have, too.
I have no idea if they're real, or if some witty person just made them up.
But they made me laugh this AM, so thought you might like a laugh, too!

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

**The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
**The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
**Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
**Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
**Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
**Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
**For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
**Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
**Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
**A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
**At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
**Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
**Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
**The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
**Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
**The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind! They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
**This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
**Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
**The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
**Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
**The eighth- graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
**Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

No comments: