Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Your opinion, please...

I've been chatting with a young lady from my church about international adoption. Her name is Ashlee. She is the sweetest thing! As soon as we step foot into church, she whisks Laura out of our arms, and either chats or they head down together to the preschool room where she sometimes teaches. After church, she reappears, whisks Laura away again, and they go hang out with the teens. It's funny...if I can't find Laura, I know she's with the teens. Girls...they grow up so fast! What a blessing it is to have Ashlee, and some of the other teens, so involved and lovin' on Laura each week!

Anyway, Ashlee is a senior in high school, and has chosen to write a paper on international adoption. She told me how hard it was to narrow down the topic. There is so much information, and so many topics within international adoption! But she did narrow it down, and is writing her paper on whether or not children should have the right to locate their biological parents at some point. We've emailed back and forth and discussed some of the issues involved with this.

The latest question she posed was, what would be the benefit of a child being able to locate their birth parents? The two ideas she has so far is to obtain a medical history and to learn about their heritage.

So, here's my question to you.
Can you think of any other positive reasons for a child to locate their biological parents? Now, this is not a debate, and we're not choosing sides. I'm just trying to help find some more thoughts on this particular question. And what better place to get some feedback than from all of you, many of whom are involved in one way or another with adoption.

So, what do you think? Please share, as I know she'll be reading comments to see what you have to say!


Kristin said...

I can definitely see a child who becomes a Christian adult wanting to be a testimony to birth parents. I had a friend who was adopted who just wanted to know that his birth mother was OK and that he was grateful for the choice she made regardless of the circumstances. He's met her and been a great testimony, but we're still praying she'll accept Christ.

Karin said...

My oldest son wanted to know if he was like his birth family or not. He spent some time with them and came away from that so much more settled that he was in the 'right' family--the one that God has planned for him. His birth family is precious--sweet Christians--but that was not where God wanted our son to grow up.

Goodness and Mercy Mom said...

What a great question. Right now our adopted son has no interest in seeing his birthmom. (She abused and neglected him until her rights were terminated when he was 5. No memory of a dad.) But perhaps when he's grown, he might want to meet her, find out why she treated him the way she did (I have a feeling she was a single teen mom--abused herself), if she has since had more children and our son has bio. half siblings. It might provide an opportunity for his birthmom to see that his life turned out great and he has forgiven her. Perhaps closure on both ends. But also perhaps a possibility for more pain so I wouldn't let him contact her until he is adult.

But our future adopted children may come from a situation where they were abandoned because their parents couldn't afford the medical attention they needed. If that's the case, I would love for him/her to meet their birthparents. Like Kristin said, to say thank you and let them know that they are okay. And what a wonderful witnessing opportunity.

Angie, I'm so excited that you're so close to getting your TA! Jenna is precious and I know your arms must ached to hold her. I'll be praying that you travel soon and God provides for your every need.

Much Love,

Amy Murphy said...

This may be generic, but I think just to provide some closure. If you woke up tomorrow and couldn't remember any of the past, wouldn't you want to do everything you can to find out about your life before that moment? My little boy can't recall a thing before we got him. That makes me sad; I wish I could conjure up memories for him, but I wasn't there. I don't know if this is a good one or not, but it's just what I thought of.

Ashlee said...

This is Ashlee. I created a blog just so I could comment with you all. All of you said things that were helpful but most of all I can see Kristin's idea helping me out. Thank you all for your input. It would definitly be a great witnessing opportunity. I will include that in paper as well. Angie, thanks for the encouragement I love all your kids. I would def babysit for you if i drove or we lived closer.

amyhusted said...

A friend of mine never knew her biological father. Her mother married when she was a baby and that husband adopted her. When she was 5 yrs her adopted father and mother split and her adopted father got custody. Her adopted father then raised her with her step mother until she graduated high school. She always felt like there was a part missing in her life. When she was just 19 and in college with the money she had in her savings she hired an agency to locate her biological father and she recently found out she had 3 siblings. For her it's not about what her life would have been it's about closure.

I have another friend when she was 17 gave her daughter up for adoption. She has always had a relationship with her daughter. She recently posted her daughters 21st birthday on FB. She has a sister that also gave up a daughter for adoption and her sister has some issues because she has never known her son.

Maybe not all parents that have given their children up for adoption feel the same? Maybe Ashlee could find a blog that discusses that issue?

Heather Thompson said...

I just stumbled upon this blog so pardon the fly-by post. I'm adopted and have now adopted internationally. I found my birth mother and it gave me closure that I didn't even realize I needed. I got to tell her "thank you" for giving me away but also got to hear how much she actually cared about me. If our son (now only 3) wants to find more information in China, I will do everything I can to assist.